Reflections on Change

2020 has given me the courage to articulate new thoughts & publish old thoughts that I hesitated to share…what better time than now to explore my thoughts, confront my fears & the backlog of things I’ve wanted to get to? So, here we go…

Today, I want to talk about change.

I journal sporadically, mostly when I feel strongly & deeply about something. If my journal was a season, it would be a mighty Indian monsoon…heavy rains (periods where I write) followed by a prolonged dry season (periods where I don’t).

From time to time, I reflect on the notes I’ve wrote over the years (especially as I wrote them at times where I experienced tremendous growth). This activity allows me to identify patterns, remember who I was at a point in time, what I felt about something, alongside the important decisions & progress I have made.

As I was reading through these notes, something stood out to me loud & clear…I have changed.

I have changed my views on certain topics, on myself, on something I did/said in the past, on who I want to surround myself with, the work I want to do, the impact I want to make, my boundaries, expectations, needs, habits, sense of humour, interests, routines, the way I communicate & the person I want to be for those near & dear, among other things. I bet that you’ve changed too, in your own, multi-faceted way.

The challenge is that sometimes I feel guilty about it. I feel guilty that those I love & those around me will feel like they are losing a part of me that defined a part of them, a time in their life or the relationship we shared.

“She is exactly the same as she was a few years ago! Nothing has changed between us” are statements others often make that come from a place of preserving comfort, security & nostalgia.

“I know I’m doing x, y & z but I am still that same person I was 5 years ago, trust me” are words we often say about ourselves that stem from a self-inflicted need to preserve what we once had & not let people down.

I’m guilty on both accounts.

Reality is completely subjective, shaped by our own unique perception & beliefs. That being said, regardless of whether (or not) you’ve experienced or are experiencing this, what I do know is that changing (or rather evolving) for a good reason, based on new information and/or experience, is a beautiful thing that you should take pride in & never have to apologize about. Change is growth & growth is natural. It is when we choose not to participate in someone else’s growth (& consequently, happiness) or fight our own growth that it starts to feel unnatural…like a threat. In both scenarios, there are no winners.

I wrote this post a few months ago, as a personal reflection but I am publishing it today because I strongly believe that resisting change in ourselves & others has broader, harmful consequences.

We live in hopelessly polarized times.

In social psychology, group polarization often occurs as a result of an individual’s desire to gain acceptance & be perceived as favorable. I genuinely feel that if we learn to accept, value, normalize, perhaps even celebrate change & the healthy tension it creates (especially where a change of mind & behaviour is concerned), at the individual level, we can rebuild a kinder & tolerant world that is stronger not despite our differences but because of them.

What better time than now to rebuild?

Next time you feel discomfort or threatened by someone’s growth, a difference in opinion & the healthy tension it creates, take a moment to reflect on how you view change in your own life & how you show up for/respond to others as they grow differently to you.

We’re living in a time where we’re all fighting for change, for a safer, more just world. Accepting & fighting for change at a global level is easier to rally behind (there is no spotlight on any one individual’s words/actions & limited accountability) but how do you respond to change at the individual level? When a friend or colleague expresses a different opinion over an everyday topic or a difference in their needs? Let’s start there. In the wise words of Einstein, the world as we have created it is a process of our thinking, it cannot be changed without changing our thinking.

Until next time!